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Since day one of my pregnancy, I’ve craved protein. First it was hard-boiled eggs for weeks and weeks, then salmon for a few weeks, then avocados… which somehow eventually lead to turkey and chicken.

Now? Well now I crave chicken, specifically buffalo wings, to the point where I dream about eating them and even getting them delivered. That latter part is only weird because the last time Kevin and I had food delivered to our place of residence had to have been in early 2004, shortly after we first moved got married.

Also, craving buffalo wings might not seem like a big deal, either, but maybe it will if I tell you that I’ve been vegetarian most of my life and vegan for almost 7 years before I became pregnant. Heck, to some of my long-term readers, it might come as a complete shock (and possibly disappointment) that I am not vegan or even vegetarian anymore. I’m hoping that you, my long-term readers especially, won’t think any less of me for “falling off the wagon.”

Truly, it wasn’t an easy a choice. I wrestled with the reassessment of my own ideals, values, and ethics for weeks before really coming to terms with the change in diet. Also, in the early weeks of trying small nibbles of ground turkey and bites of Kevin’s chicken legs, I still felt personal disappointment for “giving up” on being vegan.

After a while, though, all the guilt sorta went away and food became a part of my life, not a part of controlling my life.

See, food and I, we’ve always had a.. well… shall we say… unique relationship. It’s controlled me (I had milk & cheese allergies as a child and now am allergic to milk & wheat) and I’ve controlled it (I was a raw vegan for some time).

Recently, however, our normal dysfunctional and controlling relationship has transformed into one of peace and cooperation. I can now enjoy cheese & yogurt in moderation, certain meats (chicken, turkey and fish) and eggs without the normal guilt center in my brain firing off and belittling me for eating those particular foods.

On one level I feel like that rat, Remy, in Ratatouille, as I am also enjoying the taste, smell and texture of food like I never have before. Whereas I used to view food as pure nurishment to just keep me alive, now, I actually like food and enjoy savoring all that it has to offer.

After many years of proudly wearing my vegan/vegetarianism like a badge of honor, I finally feel as if I am more than just a “label” and have accepted my new found love of poultry as normal growth and change.

If you think about it, though, I haven’t changed all that much. I still eat lots of organic fruits and veggies, which is easy considering the world’s largest Whole Foods is in town. I still enjoy my wheat-free bread and other non-wheat carbs. Actually, I’m still relatively anal-retentive about what I eat, it’s just that what I eat now happens to include a variety of dairy foods (cheese, yogurt, cottage cheese, frozen yogurt), eggs, and poultry meat.

And, before any of you from the “you need meat to live” brigade start in with “Yay! We “cured” a vegan.”, you can just leave me out of your agenda. I want nothing to do with it, because, who knows? Someday, I might dismiss meat and eggs again and return to being labeled a vegan or vegetarian. Then again, I might not. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

As for now, however, I am enjoying the new (to me) foods that have awakened my palate. Now, let’s see, where did I put that take-out menu?

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I haven't posted an embarrassing hecticmom story in a little while. But, it's because there are so many I can't keep track I'm usually so perfect.

Anyway, allow me to set the stage. I'm walking to the cafeteria for coffee this afternoon with 5 or 6 people - one woman and the rest men - all of which report to me (or have reported to me in the past.) It's been really really hot here - the super dry heat makes my eyes dry and itchy. So, we're walking and all sort of talking and I'm rubbing my eyes.

Out of my mouth escapes the words:

"Man, I have itchy 'balls."

Yes, yes, that IS what I said. And it was certainly a conversation stopper. Then I laughed so hard I almost gave myself an asthma attack.

Yeah, I'm cool like that.

This is going to be a comments follow-up post.

Re: cakes: Actually Jason made two cakes on one day. They were from a mix, so it isn't as impressive as it sounds. And the boys were cool with sharing a cake, but they asked for a cake that featured a vampire with a skeleton head and one owl leg and one Timber Wolf leg. So two cakes suddenly felt like a much better idea. The eyes are Lifesavers and the owl's beak was an orange Starburst. Am I proud of my cake design? Hells yes I am. And already the little wheels are turning for Glen's lasso cake, Christy. My sister makes a mean snake cake so I think I might have to feature her Ace of Cakes skillz next.

Re: bitch receptionist: I was sort of shaken up from an unfortunate bout of self-loathing when I reached the dentist's office, but I'd been proactive and had peeled the appointment sticker off my calendar with a steak knife. Yeah, it left a hole, but wouldn't it be worth it to slam it down on this bitch's desk and jab it with my finger, yelling, "Look at it! Look at it! What does that say?! Read it to me!"

I was all sick and nervous when I got there, and the receptionist was not making eye contact. She was like, "Jennifer? Yeah, you're checked in you can sit down." And I was like, "! ... Um, okay."

But afterwards, as I cancelled all our upcoming appointments with another receptionist, I handed her the little circle of calendar and told her what had happened. She apologized quite a bit, in a way that made me think she also thought the other receptionist was a bitchwhore. And also that she'd heard a bit of chit chat in the office about my amazing powers of stress, and how I can bend space and time and also forge handwriting accurately, all by harnessing the power of my husband's joblessness. So I left having made my point, probably looking like a major douche, and without actually confronting the bitchwhore.

Aside: If I move in with my parents, I am moving this blog elsewhere and changing our names, like the blog witness protection program. Already I feel like I am swearing in their living room or something. Ugh. Which brings another wave of near-tears. Good God! Get ahold of yourself, woman! Could I be any more dramatic??

Re: politics: I feel terrible that I made my Laundry & Children friend feel attacked for her political beliefs. I really do think most people (well, most of us here who struggle with everyday normal things, not rich-person things) want the best for everyone else. I totally understand being a Republican for a single issue -- abortion for example. (No idea of this is Laundry & Children's reason, I am just stating what would be my own reason.) And I totally understand being a Democrat for just one issue -- marriage equality for example. I know I have my hot buttons and I couldn't vote for a candidate with whom I would disagree on my hot button issue, even if I agreed with everything else he or she stood for. This is probably not a good way to vote, but I'm doing the best I can right now. ANYWAY, uh, that's what I have to say about that.

Re: pacifiers: Thank you all so much! I knew my friend Casey wasn't worried about late pacifier use, and I have other friends who breastfed until their children were totally ready to be done, but sometimes as a parent I feel very alone in my (dubious) choices. So thanks to all who commented. That was nice.

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As much as Rev. Bernice King bugs me, I have to say that her speech is bringing tears to my eyes. This is pretty big. I’ve had this aura of nonchalance about Sen. Obama’s advancement...

I remember that when Lady Ali went to school there were no school uniforms. I was angry when the school board began discussing uniforms. I had grown up going to private schools from Kindergarten to High School and hated wearing a uniform every day.  I wanted my daughter to have some freedom and be able to express herself through her clothing.

Now that Peanut is in school all elementary school students wear uniforms. The school board is going to vote next year on uniforms for the higher grades. I’m still not sure how I feel about that. I think it’s OK for children up to the fifth grade to be dressed the same. After that they should have more choice.

I’d even be happier if I could shop for discount clothing that starts at $17.95 or less. Quality clothing at that price will make it easy to shop for back to school clothing. Imagine that on top of those low prices that there are special sales too!

I may even look for clothing for Lady Ali as she just started Grad school. She loves to find bargains and if I can tell her that I got her some cheap clothing that looks great and she’ll be thrilled! There’s even a 10% discount for back to school shopping going on right now. There’s some beautiful pieces too like dress pants and a nice sweater that Lady Ali would look good.

addthis_url = 'http%3A%2F%2Fshawnsbidness.com%2Fblog%2F2008%2F08%2F28%2F655%2F'; addthis_title = 'Back+To+School+Clothing'; addthis_pub = 'ShawnsBidness';

Today, 45 years to the day of the March on Washington DC when Martin Luther King spoke his famous “I Have A Dream” speech, Barack Obama will be accepting the the Democratic party’s Presidential nomination in Denver Colorado.

I was only a few months old during that important day in history but I was taught about it by my parents, in school and later on in life researched it for myself. The march took on great meaning for me as I learned about Women’s Rights, especially the Suffrage movement. It also took on great meaning because of my own beliefs in civil rights for all.

As someone who now has chronic illnesses I have learned that wanting equality does not mean the same as wanting special rights. It means having the basic human rights that are given to others.

Barack Obama does not base his candicacy on his race,  but on this historic day you cannot help but think back to a day when people had to organize to fight for equality in employment and freedom to gather and protest.

addthis_url = 'http%3A%2F%2Fshawnsbidness.com%2Fblog%2F2008%2F08%2F28%2Fthe-dream-becoming-reality%2F'; addthis_title = 'The+Dream+Becoming+Reality'; addthis_pub = 'ShawnsBidness';

Just kidding!

Did you have opportunity to read yesterday’s post? I was a pathetic, overwhelmed, wallering mess. Very real-feeling, but pathetic and wallering… undoubtedly.

Wal-ler-ing:

v. when a chubby baby is oozing pints of green snot and her chubby hands rub, rub, rub that snot all over her cheeks and eyes and ears and hair. She wails because it’s miserable, but she keeps smearing the snot all over her chubby-helpless-baby being because she doesn’t even know what a tissue is! Poor baby! Somebody get her a mother!

I digress… when I write “wallering” - it is the adult equivalent of that. A helpless, emotional mess.

But you know what? In the moments between me emotionally and verbally vomitting the contents of my pre-menstrual aching brain all over the stinkin’ world wide world of the internet… Aunto Flo came knockin’. I clicked “publish” headed to bed, and… ummm… “answered the door”, if you will.

(Men? Did you stop reading?)

I knew it! I. Knew. It. I knew she coming, but there’s a window of 3-5 days. She’s not a good planner, that Aunt Flo.

And still… my under active thyroid is a problem.

Yes, the “too much to do and not enough time” thing is also still a problem.

Yes, the whole thing about my brain not stopping… EVERRR… that is also still a problem…

The guilt… the guilt… and the more guilt about ruining my children forever - is. still. a. problem.

Also, why does health insurance cost so much?

However. How. Ever. When Aunt Flo comes for her monthly visit - the week before her arrival she sends a magnifying glass that magnifies stuff. Imagine that! A magnifying glass that magnifies stuff! I am such a creative writer.

That magnifying glass increases in it’s magnificity (-ficiocity… -ficiciousness… -ficitude…) as the day of Auntie’s arrival draws closer, until… KaPow! I finally see that the magnifying glass had been aiming a magnified beam of hot sun directly on my soul and conscience and the one nerve I have left. 

Thank you dear friends (and family!) for your encouragement - not just in this post, but also in the multitudes before. Though I have not visited back in awhile, and can’t seem to keep up on replying to your comments… you keep encouraging me. And I am endeared to you… I WILL be catching up with each one of you. I have my hopes pinned on when school starts next week. Or sooner… or the week after. But I’ll be back… giving comment smooches, linky love, and handing out a diverse array of awards… or something. 

:)

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Selene by Lilith Saintcrow My review rating: 2 of 5 starsI was just as annoyed with this little 5-chapter novella as I was by the bit that was in an anthology–Hotter Than Hell, maybe? We get a good idea of who Selene is, a glimpse of Nikolai, and lot of Selene being [...]

Argh
28 August - way too much to do...

Quick!

Someone give me 3 good reasons why I shouldn’t tap dance on OZ and Glynda’s head while wearing 4 inch heels!

The most creative answer (that does not mention MY weight crushing their skulls because that would kinda be the reason for this excessive exercise in brutality) will win One hundred Bee Bucks!*

However, those that can tell me why I SHOULD, get 1,000, you read that right - ONE THOUSAND! - Bee Bucks!

No, this is not a cry for help. I’d worry more about the imbecilic fools I work with!

More on that tomorrow.

P.S.
On the sidebar is a new blogger device which you can click on to *follow me*, can you do that for me? I'm one of the test subjects to see how it would work. Thanks! :o)

*Redeemable only in the imaginary Bee store.

Today is the day of the Nie Nie Auction. PLEASE check out all of the details here.

Each penny will go directly to the Stephanie Nielson Fund.
Leave the bids for which item you want and the email contact info in the comment section the auction will end on Sunday Night 8/31 at 10pm and each winner will be contacted and winner will pay through the SN paypal FUND. When winner sends me paid receipt I will ship items. Thanks and PLEASE BID WITH YR HEART...


My auction is as follows:

1. Three beautiful handmade maple teethers from my shop Little Alouette. These are gorgeous and would make awesome gifts to the wee one's in yr life. (retail over 50.00)

2. A girl's vintage Knitwear outfit. The tag is missing, but it is perfect condition. I am thinking it is a size 18months or 2? The waistband measures approx 8 inches and the bottom of the sweater measures approx 12 inches across. Here are the photos on flickr. Email me if you have questions. (vintage is worth it)


3. A love letter penned by me! I am serious. You all tell me that you like my writing or I have a way with words- Show me the money?! I remember who has told me nice things about my writings!!! :) I will write a love letter or poem to a person of yr choice. You will give me some details and I will go off and write my heart out. What is love worth to you? Huh? (priceless)

Not everyone can afford to give. But could you send a card?

For those of you Sending Cards, here's the address:
c/o stephanie and Christian Nielson
Mari Copa County Hospital
2601 East Roosevelt St.
Phoenix, AZ 85008

Please if you can afford to shop ( I know some of you can!!!!) PLEASE do! Here and all over the Internet today. I am sitting here amazed at the power of the blogosphere and women. If we could just harness this love...we could power the world.

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